Cali Folk

Californians...So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this, you know you're from California if:

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1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

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2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

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3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

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4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

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5. You can't remember .. . Is pot illegal?

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6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

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7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

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8. You can't remember .. . . Is pot illegal?

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9.. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

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10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

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11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

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12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

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13. You can't remember .. . .is pot illegal?

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14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

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15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

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16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

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17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

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18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

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19. The Terminator is your governor and even he can't seem to balance the state's budget.

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20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

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21. And lest we forget...you buy a pet bed for your girly SNAKE.

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I love those folks, especially when they stay home...

And Then There Were Six !!

To all my Longhorn friends out there, please do not read this post...I'm sure you have better things to do anyway.

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This week was a lot of fun, spanking the Longhorns and all. It's not that LSU fans hate the Horns, say the way OU or A&M fans do. To us, it's more of a mild amusement, especially in the way UT fans will one minute doubt their team's ability to win and the next will be telling you how they are going to (somehow) kick your ass. Tigers fans simply laugh at this mild rendition of trash talk. You see...we come from the SEC. There, not only do opposing teams tell you what Texas does but (get this...) they will also tell by what score it is going to happen. It surely has the tendency to make you doubt or at least wonder about your poor, little ole team. I mean, how do they know that? Quite simply, you come to know, is that they really don't and you've just been "schooled" in Trash Talk 101, SEC style.

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So, to all of you Horn Fans who ventured on to continue reading this thing...I say Thank You, from the bottom of my heart. Texas fans are indeed the classiest that Tigers fan have ever had the honor of competing against, in any of our National Championships, ever !! (Bare in mind that since 1991, LSU has won eight in "The Big Three"...six in baseball and two in football) Geaux Tigers !!

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Thanks, Donna, for the pix. I especially like the "Augie Burrito" one. That was Uber-Cool...

Cycling De Coded

Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:

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"I'm out of shape"

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Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

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"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"

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Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.

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"I'm on my beater bike"

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Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Carbon Fiber blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

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"It's not that hilly"

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Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. What... you only have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

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"You're doing great honey"

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Translation: You, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

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"This is a no-drop ride"

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Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

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"It's not that far"

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Translation: Bring your passport.

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The bottom line is that runners tend to be an honest lot and cyclists are NOT !! ; )

Da Vinci De-Coded

Written across the wall of a cave outside of Jeruselum were the following symbols:
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It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old! So, the piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
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The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey. So they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea.
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The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews. The audience applauded enthusiastically.
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Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and loudly explained, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left..... It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!'
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Eventhough I was a Liberal Arts Major, I love archeology... ; )

Are You Kidding Me !?!

While running with my training group this week, a random thought popped into my mind. (BTW, this type of thing happens during running, all the time) Why the hell can I not keep up with this running group of mine? I've been running with them for about a year, now, and I should clearly be doing better than this. Or so I thought.

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Am I slow? Am I a secret lolligager and I just don't know it? I mean really. What happens is I'll be running along with the group for a while, keeping up and everything. And then...those bastards just sloooowly pull away, once they get warmed up.

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It's like the recurrence of a bad dream. About that time, a second thought hit me. One part of my little Scooter mind (the creative side, not the squirrely one) told the other part (the more analytical side) "Are you kidding me, Dude?" Those running group clowns are really freakin' fast. I mean of the total group of twelve, seven are Boston Marathon qualifiers !! My analytical side kinda took over at this point and came up with this about my running buddies:

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Ann-I-Am: 42, 3:43 (What a hoot.)

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Missy: 43, 3:37 (Silent but deadly)

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Gary-Gary: 41, 3:16 (A sneaky little devil, indeed)

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Coach Bill: 52, 3:01 (he actually paced the 3:15 group for the Austin Marathon this year...friggin' nutz !!)

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Jay Bird: 32, 2:36 (double friggin' nutz)

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What A Joy: 31, 3:17 (at one point, last year when she was seven months pregnant, I thought if she passes me...I quitting this running crap!)

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Wild Bill: 51, 3:31 (He's like the Energizer Bunny!)

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Santa Santos: 36, 3:17 (He's close...but you get the point)

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The bottom line is: what was I thinking? As my grand pa LaFleur was apt to say about these situations "You gotta eat a lot more cornbread before you can hang with those folks." Oh well...here I go. Wish me luck! ; )~

Que Paso ??

This much is true...the Republi-Crats have lied to you and I.
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The media tells us that "deregulation" and "unfettered free markets" have wrecked our economy and will continue to make things worse without a heavy dose of federal regulation. But the real blame lies elsewhere. In Meltdown, bestselling author Thomas E. Woods Jr. unearths the real causes behind the collapse of housing values and the stock market--and it turns out the culprits reside more in Washington than on Wall Street.

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And the trillions of dollars in federal bailouts? Our politicians' ham-handed attempts to fix the problems they themselves created will only make things much worse. Woods, a senior fellow at the Ludwig von Mises Institute and winner of the 2006 Templeton Enterprise Award, busts the media myths and government spin. He explains how government intervention in the economy--from the Democratic hobby horse called Fannie Mae to affirmative action programs like the Community Redevelopment Act--actually caused the housing bubble.
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Most important, Woods, author of the New York Times bestseller The Politically Incorrect Guide to American History, traces this most recent boom-and-bust--and all such booms and busts of the past century--back to one of the most revered government institutions of all: the Federal Reserve System, which allows busy-body bureaucrats and ambitious politicians to pull the strings of our financial sector and manipulate the value of the very money we use.
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Meltdown also provides a timely history lesson to counter the current clamor for a new New Deal. The Great Depression, Woods demonstrates, was only as deep and as long as it was because of the government interventions by Herbert Hoover (no free-market capitalist, despite what your high school history teacher may have taught you) and Franklin D. Roosevelt (no savior of the American economy, in spite of what the mainstream media says). If you want to understand what caused the financial meltdown--and why none of the big-government solutions being tried today will work--Meltdown explains it all.
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I highly recommend it...its the best book I've read this week ! ; )

Puzzle Du Jour

I really enjoy doing one of these, to start the day.
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Have fun with it !!
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9:57; 8:23; 1:32; 11:25; 9:13; 2:48

In what way are the start and end of each of these six times identical?
(answer is below...unless, of course you know it already)
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They start and end with the same letter:
9:57...Nine fifty-seveN
8:23...Eight twenty-threE
1:32...One thirty-twO
11:25...Eleven twenty-fivE
9:13...Nine thriteeN
2:48...Two forty-eighT
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As you were... ; )