Embracing American Diversity

It seems everyone, recently, is found of letting everyone else know where they "stand" on various (and sometimes sundry) issues. I've been on both side of these issues at different times in my life and relish the debate. The discussions and musings go something like this:
.
-If a libertarian or conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
-If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
.
-If a libertarian or conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
-If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
.
-If a libertarian or conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
-A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
.
-If a libertarian or conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
-If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.
.
-If a Black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
-Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
.
-If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
-A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
.
-If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
-Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down immediately.
.
-If a libertarian or conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church, temple or mosque.
-A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)
.
-If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
-A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.