Traumatized Tebow

Despite all this "spin" of Florida Quarterback Tim Tebow's Heisman-esque Sainthood by the UF Athletic Dept., he has secrets he doesn't want to get out. Yes, besides being the perfect athlete, going out and bringing 20,000 people to the Lord on Missionary trips, and coaching the School for the Deaf's football team in his spare time he has certain traits he keeps in the closet. These are indeed Shocking Facts that you might not know:

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(1) Believes the Hokie Pokie is what it is all about.

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(2) CAN believe it's not butter!

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(3) Doesn't tip the talent at Hooters! (He'll burn for that one !!)

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(4) Dances in the shower to Wham's, Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.

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(5) Whenever he is up for some giggles he goes home throws in The Pride of the Yankees into the DVD player and fast forward to when "Lou" Gehrig gets amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and just laughs and laughs and laughs.

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(6) He Shot JR.

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(7) Writes NSF checks for Girl Scout cookies.

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(8) Is so simple even a caveman can do him!

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(9) Is so good that the NCAA should pass a bylaw requiring the names on the backs of all the 84 other Florida Gators to read “NOT TEBOW.” This way, no one will turn on their TV sets, see a blue Florida Gator jersey under a pile and grow excited, only to cry uncontrollably when they realize that the Florida Gator in question is not #15 Tim Tebow but someone else!! (Of course he has been known to cry himself....see above, post LSU Ass-Whippin' Game on Saturday Night in Death Valley).

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10) Orders apple martinis.

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(11) Is Mark Foley's illegitimate son.

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(12) Thinks that The Waterboy accurately reflect life in Louisiana. (Announcer's voice: And here he comes #15....) (Now, Bobby Boucher's voice: Moma says, you Da' Devil, Mista' Tebow! Rrrreeeeee !! And then, there was the sound of extremely sincere contact).

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(13) Gives Kirk Herbstreet hair styling tips.

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(14) Convinced Marcia Clark to make OJ try on the glove.

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(15) Gave Nick Saban PR advice to say "I'm not going to be the next coach at Alabama."

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(16) Thinks Tiger Stadium is cheering for him (see "Caveman" analogy in #8, above).

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(17) Thought the Gator Chomp meant "love you this much!"

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(18) Puts his mouth on the public water fountain (major Eeeyyehh Factor here).

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(19) Led the PETA effort to prevent LSU from replacing Mike V.

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and Finally (20) Invented new Coke and the Weedeater.

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Let's give a big round of Tiger Bait applause for Mr. Tebow !!

Scooter Indicted !!

Last Friday, Scooter, the well-known stagehand and "go-fer" at his uncle's theater where the Muppet Show was filmed during the mid-70's, was indicted on five felony counts by a grand jury, including two counts of obstruction, two counts of lying under oath, and one count of attempting to undermine a federal investigation. Under these charges, he could face up to 30 years in prison and $1.25 million in fines.
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Over the last two years, an ongoing investigation has been trying to determine where a leak came from, outing covert CIA agent Miss Piggy shortly after her husband, Kermit the Frog, wrote an Op-Ed piece for the New York Times that criticized the current administration's reasons for going to war.
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At a press conference last week, Special Prosecutor Sam the Eagle spoke to reporters about the indictment, going to great lengths to point out that it was not his job to determine whether the war against the "Spittin' Image" puppets was justified.
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"I am here to see to it that justice is done," Sam the Eagle insisted. "And to show the world that we will not tolerate these weirdos. Someone leaked Miss Piggy's name to the press, and I have enough proof to justify bringing charges against Mr. Scooter." Sam the Eagle, i.e., The Prosecutor, who has worked for decades to improve to moral fabric of these United States, was chosen by the current administration specifically to investigate the leak. Some conservatives, however, such as Gonzo the Great and Rowlf the Dog, have made it clear that the Special Prosecutor may have overstepped his original mandate.

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"He was told to look in to the leak itself," said one source, who asked not to be identified. "But, because he couldn't find anything proving the leak was an organized effort, he brought out this indictment to make it look like he had accomplished something over the past two years."
Others, including Miss Piggy's Husband, Kermit the Frog, have praised Sam the Eagle, saying that it was all but impossible to come up with any useful information concerning the leak because of Scooter's lies.

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"My wife's life may have been put in danger," said Kermit at a press conference shortly after the indictment was read, "and Scooter, among others, lied about their connection to it. I look forward to the follow-up investigation."

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The investigation is ongoing, and while the Special Prosecutor says that the remaining part consists mostly of "tying up loose ends," sources close to the investigation say that the focus has moved from Scooter to Fozzy Bear after it was revealed that this was where Scooter learned the identity of Piggy.

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Scooter leaves the courthouse...( see photo, above). Some insiders insist that this case has implications that reach even further.

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"This is big, really big," said Dr. Teeth, the leader of the house band during the Muppet Show's five seasons on the air. "If the bear is fingered, he's going to squeal like a pig, if you catch my drift. Names will be named. It's going to get ugly."

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Scooter worked for the Muppet Show, where it is believed he learned of Piggy's covert status, for almost twenty years before he was let go after his uncle, who owned the theater, passed away. Some insiders insist that that this caused a serious rift between him and Piggy's husband, Kermit, which eventually lead to the leaking of classified information.

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Seen leaving the courthouse after the indictment was read, Scooter appeared upbeat. "I'm going to go home and rest up," he told reporters. "I've got a busy day tomorrow." "Quite frankly...I don't know what these people are talking about ! (...sniff of defiance)
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Fozzy Bear has been decidedly quiet during these proceedings, but when confronted by reporters outside his home at Yellowstone National Park, Fozzy was quoted as saying, "I plan to have a nice weekend, and I hope you all do, too. Wakka wakka."
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More on this story as it develops...

Didactic Doctor Daddy-O

In 1947, a relatively unknown art professor from Chicago named Dr. Vernon Winslow, started a show highlighting black music in New Orleans on WJMR — a white-owned radio station. Unknown to most listeners, Dr. Winslow wrote the scripts, selected the music, and taught the white DJ, "Poppa Stoppa" how to sound black. So, Dr. Winslow, after being fired for taking to the microphone when the white DJ was a no-show, went on to WWEZ and became New Orleans' first black DJ — "Doctor Daddy-O." He was ubercool.

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However, in early days, he was forced to ride up the freight elevator to the station because of his race, Winslow was later convinced by white record producer Cosimo Matassa to broadcast from his studio. Within one year, The "Doctor Daddy O" show was the top rated radio program in New Orleans and Winslow was one of the top ten DJs in the country. His program ran until the early 80's. I fondly recall listening to his radio show during Summer Vacation stays in The City (as the locals generally refer to "N'Awlins").

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Anyway, his programs not only introduced us to the musical art forms of Blues, Zydeco and classical but more importantly, he introduced us to other art forms that were then unknown to us, like the visual art forms. These were rhetorical items he discussed in art classes he taught at Dillard University, in New Orleans, beginning in 1936. He inspired his listeners to visit museums and to check out both local artists and those in the publications of their local libraries. He was fond of saying "Don't forget, Dudes and Dudettes, people create art, art bears beauty, beauty inspires goodness, and goodness...well...it makes the world go 'round." I don't think that I'll ever forget that expression...

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So, when I recently listened to the Subdudes' highlight song, Poor Man's Paradise, on their new release Street Symphony, a flood of memories came rushing back to me about this guy, who I haven't thought about in years!! Sadly, he passed away in 1993.

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We will always remember you, Doctor Daddy-O...

Tour de Vin...Austin Style!!

Friends and acquaintances of mine know that right after college football (The SEC varietal, specifically) food and wine are my second most intense passion/interest/obsession....call it what you like. I suppose it goes back to the days of my teenage youth, working in Summers and holidays with my uncle, who was a chef at Antoine's Restaurant in New Orleans (which, BTW was established in 1840 and is the country's oldest family-run restaurant...that's another story onto itself).
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AnyWho, the Wine & Food Foundation of Texas and Whole Foods Market partner up to host the fifth annual Tour de Vin on Thursday, October 4, from 6:30 – 9:00 p.m. on the pictureque rooftop plaza of Whole Foods Market at 6th Street and Lamar. Featuring wines and cuisine from around the world, a silent auction (always lots of fun!) and live music from Patricia Vonne, this unique tasting has become a treasured event for Austin wine and food lovers, over the years. I encourage everyone to check it out...

Bizarre Columbus Courthouse Ruling

Columbus, OH (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Franklin County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that familyunity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

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The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

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After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University of Michigan Wolverines, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone!!

Cave Without A Name

Recently, my business travels brought me to lovely Boerne, TX, located on the Northwest side of San Antonio, just off of I-10. In the process, I ran across this really cool place. I mean, after all, its internal temperature is 66 degrees year around.

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The cave has formations of Stalactites, Stalagmites, Soda Straws, Cave Drapery, really interesting Flowstones (that look like running liquid rock) and Rimstone. It also has a series of dams, after all, it is a subterranean "Pirated Stream Passage" for the Guadalupe River. (Would that be a Texas Pirated Stream Passage, I asked? Indeed, said the tour guide lady, indeed!!)

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Check it out if you're in the area or are looking for something different to do. They even hold classical music concerts in the cave, performed by the horn or string section of the San Antonio philharmonic orchestra. See their website for details.

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I suppose we can learn and experience new things everyday.

What-The-Dickens

As bizarre as this may seem, I actually enjoy select children's books. They help my creative side to revisit ideas that we, as jaded adults, take for granted. While vacationing recently (and consequently visiting relatives) dear Uncle Scooter was requisitioned to read this "new favorite book." So, I obliged and found it to be quite interesting.

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Without giving away too much, it is a story about a newly hatched orphan creature who finds that he has an attraction to teeth, a crush on a cat named McCavity and a penchant for getting into trouble (this last part being something to which I surely could identify as a part of my youth, being the little rogue cretin that I was, according to Sister Mary Katherine and all her various and sundry nun teacher friends). Anyway, where was I before digressing...oh yeah, the orphan dude befriends Dinah, a skibbereen, and they find that the world is much stranger than they thought !! Who says that there are no such things as tooth fairies, anyway?

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Things that make you go "Hmmm..."

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What's more, I specifically recall books simply not being this cool, when I was a kid. No offense intended to Dr. Seuss fans or other, similar type authors. Anyway, I highly recommend it to both kids and used-to-be-kids alike !!